Adam Warlock

Not All Viewpoints Are Welcome-1

[Note: this is the first chapter of a serialized project I’ll be working on periodically. I don’t know how long it’s going to take, and I’m not sold on the title. If anyone reading this would like to comment, those are welcome. I’d enjoy the feedback. So, on with the show…]

ONE:

“And that’s how we discovered these rocks were only the tip of a much larger organism.” Lianna Jensen punctuated that remark with a last swirl of chalk on the old-fashioned blackboard. It was quaint, of course, but it required no energy to function, and on a station on the far reaches of the Sol system, power came at a premium. Besides, it’s easy to clean.

“Subsequent probes have confirmed these early findings with the loss of but one probe.” Muted clapping echoed through the auditorium. It’s okay, Lianna reminded herself, forcing her legs not to tremble. It’s only a 200-seat venue, about half full. A handful of children were scattered among the red velvet seats, and they clapped the loudest.

The lavender skinsuit under her knee-length laboratory coat insulated Lianna from the station’s chill while absorbing every drop of perspiration, keeping her cool and cozy inside. Her shoulder length honey-blonde hair she’d tucked up in a bun in back. The reading glasses were an affectation suggested by the professor to soften her appearance before an audience probably as uncertain about her presentation as she was.

The station Commander stepped in from the auditorium’s left wing as the clapping ended. “I want to thank Dr. Jensen for this fascinating symposium on her recent discoveries of exobiological life. She’ll be back tomorrow, so bring your friends.”

The room responded by not responding. At all. They stood awkwardly on the stage a moment before the commander pressed on. “We’ll now open the floor for questions. Good luck, kid,” she muttered to Lianna as she left the stage.

A hand shot up, belonging to a little brunette girl, about six. “Were you scared when that monster grabbed you?”

Lianna smiled and knelt on the edge of the stage, almost nose to nose with her. “Yeah, I was scared shi—silly.” (Stop. Remember your audience.) “But I had an emergency transponder I could have used if things really got bad.” She ruffled her hair, which earned her a giggle. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

The girl grinned and bounced back to her seat. “Yes, sir, in the back.”

A skinny fellow with a buzzcut scalp stood up. “Yes, I got a question. What kind of sexual relations did you have with that alien slug?”

Fuck. Not another one of those. She dug deeper to draw in a calming breath, this time. Some of the other patrons shuffled in their seats, waiting on her. Her heart hammered faster, despite her outer calm. “Sir, that is an inappropriate remark,” the commander shouted, stepping forward. “Especially when we have young people with us today.”

“Come on, commander, everybody knows Dr. Jensen shags every odd ball freak she discovers. It’s the talk of every space port. Who knows how much alien trash she’s birthed across half the galaxy?”

Okay, Lianna lied. I’m ready. “Sir, my purpose is interstellar exploration on behalf of the Deep Space Observatory. The liaisons you’ve heard about are innuendo and fetishist dream logs. Considering our disparate biologies, I doubt anything would come of it if I—”

“So you are shagging aliens!”

“That’s not what happened! If you’d been listening you’d recall I almost died—”

“Excuse me. I have a question.”

That came from the back. Lianna couldn’t see who was speaking, except that she was tall and had a gorgeous black mane. Something in her exotic voice soothed her. “Yes, ma’am, what was your question?”

“This is directed at the toubab running off at the mouth. Why don’t you sit down and shut up? Some of us came to listen to what Dr. Jensen has to say!”

Lianna teared up at the round of applause that followed. She didn’t know how long it went on for, except that Buzzcut scowled and slunk out of the auditorium with his head down.

Thank Kali the commander called an end to the presentation for the day. While Lianna packed her props in a satchel and wiped the board, the people filed out a little at a time. She glanced once or twice toward the seats, expecting someone else to accost her. But no one else had stayed behind. Good. She’d had enough harassment for one day.

“You gonna be okay?” the commander asked. Lianna nodded. “I can assign a security detail to take you back to your ship.” She shook her head. “Okay. If you need anything…” and then she was gone.

The Professor and his bright ideas. After ten years alone in space he says, “I think now might be a good time to take stock of your accomplishments. Present your findings in a public setting. I have some friends at Uranus Orbital station who could set you up. No, it’ll be good for you, my dear. It’ll be a chance for you to brush up on your social skills. You know, you don’t interact with people very much. It’s my fault, you did grow up with a bunch of stuffy old scientists all around you.”

There was a reason for that. She was a bit of an animal once they took her off the Naga Sentry, her and all the other children left to fend for themselves for seven frustrating months. Who tells those stories anyway? Even if it was true that every spacefarer in every port thought she was some kind of—

No, the professor was right; he had to be. It’s just those fundamentalist Terran freaks at her last two symposiums questioning her morality. Maybe if there hadn’t been a smidgen of truth to their accusations…Sure. Me spread my alien seed around the solar system. Not much chance of that.

Lianna emptied her chest, breathed in a shallow breath. She’d been so lost in thought she hadn’t realized she’d arrived at the infirmary ahead of schedule. The Medibot floated to greet her before she could turn and leave.

“Doctor!” The ‘bot greeted her. Lianna sighed and sat on the stool indicated by her host. The cushion poofed under her bum, which was more comfortable than expected. Then the ‘bot addressed the door. “Consulting!”

The two-toned panels irised shut, presenting a façade of an inverse ying and yang in crimson and yellow. Lianna was grateful all the same. In this mode the infirmary stood isolated from the rest of the station. No one could barge in uninvited.

“Your lab work has all returned negative. You’re in relatively good health. However,” the ‘bot continued before she could push off and leave. “Your physical health is not the only issue. Your esophagus shows signs of forced intubation, which exerted pressure on your trachea. This trauma appears several years old. Some brain deterioration has resulted, not to the point where it can be an issue, but it does suggest your activities frequently entail unnecessary risks.”

“I, umm, I suppose that’s true,” Lianna nodded, staring at her feet. “Would you believe you’re not the first to point that out?”

“Yes. Insofar as the other matter we discussed…” Wait, was he pausing? “I’m sorry, Doctor. Our labs are consistent with the tests every other facility has conducted. There is no treatment for yourself or any of the Lost Children.”

“It’s okay. A girl could hope.”

“There is one last thing, a curious anomaly we detected in your muscle, epidermal…everywhere. There is a suffusion of cytoplasm, which appears to have bonded to your soft tissues.”

“I can explain,” Lianna said. “I…this goes back to that trauma you mentioned. I suffered some life-threatening injuries. You know about my shipmates?…Okay. Well, one of them donated a part of herself to heal me. I hadn’t realized how much she’d become a part of me, literally. You understand why I have issues with human relations.”

“Yes. I shouldn’t be telling you this,” the medic said, “but you’re not alone in this variety of relationship. There is a captain in the Antarian fleet who has had carnal relations with an Undian, also a amoeboid female. They argue, they disagree, but my sources tell me, by the end of a projected shift they are the best of friends. “

“I had no idea,” Lianna conceded. “So how come I’m getting all the harassment?”

“I’ve cited only one example. And subjectively speaking, while Antarians are a humanoid species, they are not considered human. So perhaps such human prejudices are not applied as liberally to them.”         

“Yeah, and besides, who wants to fuck with an Antarian?”

Before she returned to the ship, there was one last ritual. It’d become a habit, as with so many visitors, to pop by the Portal. Officially its designation was UA-1A7, but visitors and crew referred to it by its vernacular name.

The station was based on one of the inner moons orbiting Uranus. The slush giant’s dusty rings glimmered from the energetic bursts periodically shot from the station’s polar beacon lights, more for its visitor’s amusement than any practical purpose.

Not all the Classic Moons were visible; in fact, the only reason the pole facing her was visible at all was due to the viewport’s scanner being set 27 settings below true visibility. Otherwise, the extreme closeup given of the rapid rotation of Uranus’ cloud layers would leave all and sundry in a perpetual state of nausea. There’s still plenty of moons to go around, well past the first twenty-seven discovered up to the early 21st Century.

The usual mob awaited in the docking bay, a conglomeration of middle-aged men and women, some young adults, all shuffling loosely around the air lock leading to her ship. Some lofted signs such as ‘You Must Have F.A.I.T.H.’ Exactly like that. All eyes focused on her as they parted like the Red Sea, but at least no one accosted her.

At least until that rotten egg splattered her cheek.

Lianna whirled to the sea of faces, but most of them seemed as surprised as her. Others gazed around themselves to see who’d done the deed. She wanted to shout, “All right, who’s responsible for this?”

She fought that instinct, as the Professor had taught her to, and put her back to them, standing as rigid as possible. Then she continued at a measured pace toward the air lock. Any moment now she expected a fusillade of rotten fruit. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath. Without a word, against the heat rising in her chest, she entered her ship’s code for the hatch. With a hiss and the crank of metal, the hatch admitted her, Once that closed behind her, she exhaled.

After ten years in space, you’d think I’d have accumulated more mementos, Lianna thought. Apart from an orchid taken from Orchis 3, some dirty dishes on the pilot console, and an old portrait of her at seven, riding Ernie, the flight deck was relatively spartan. For now, her android companion Ernie detached himself from the charging port just off the docking hatch. She rushed to him and swept her arms around him—well, halfway around, anyway.

He offered the customary hug back with his stiff metal-barred arms. “Welcome home, miss Lianna,” he said, approximating a human voice. “I’m sorry the reception was not what you expected.” He raised a sani-wipe to her cheek and gently scrubbed it.

She clucked as she stepped down from his base. “If they only knew what I was holding back! Then they’d really shit bricks.”

“An interesting metaphor,” Ernie said, handing her a slate. “Which emotionally appropriate. The inspection was conducted in your absence. The ship passed magnificently, as always.”

She scanned the report almost as fast as Ernie would have memorized it. “That’s a bit of embellishment, isn’t it?”

“Informality suits you. I thought I’d practice.”

She tapped his shoulder socket with the slate before tossing it onto the pile of dishes. “I’m kinda tired. Are the girls asleep?”

“DO they sleep? I was told you may expect them in cargo lounge 2. Will you be changing first?”

She’d started to shrug off her lab coat, fingered the broad, important looking lapels, then slipped it back onto her shoulders. The molecular recyclers could always regurgitate another. Shaking her head, she trudged to the spiral step ladder and descended to the cargo deck.

It’d be inaccurate to call a converted cargo hold a ‘lounge’ but after her GFs had signed on, so to speak, she and Ernie converted a couple of spare cells into passable living quarters.

Oddly a red light shone down from the domed ceiling. And was it me, or did the walls seem—bloated? Sweet Kali–!

As soon as she realized the trap, Lianna smiled. It was already too late to retreat. A crimson tendril flopped against the sensor panel. The cargo door sealed shut with a prolonged squeal, meaning the air lock seals had engaged. She wasn’t going anywhere.

An amorphous pillar pushed between her thighs, and then her feet left the deck. She pointed her toes down, encountering only air. Half a meter of space separated the top of her head from the ceiling. The tip of the column expanded to cushion her bum.

The ‘bulge’ in both hulls oozed down, two semi-solid masses of aquamarine goo thick as honey, sandwiching Lianna between them. Engulfed to the shoulders, she moaned as both lab coat and the skin suit beneath it dissolved in a matter of minutes. Lianna surrendered to the pressure against her chest, the brush of rubbery textured membranes clinging to every bit of her bare skin.

Up until a few months ago, she hadn’t believed they were capable of dissolving her garments without harm to her. Maybe that was a choice on their part. Didn’t matter. She was safe with the only pair who really cared for her.

The red light suffusing the lounge initially obscured their translucent forms matted to the actual hull. Now their bodies molded to her in streams of ameboid tentacles. A crimson tongue peeled from the column between her legs. The tongue swelled, taking the form of a matted head nestled to her breast. Another pair of tongues, a translucent shade of jade this time, flexed into a powerful set of biceps, each tip extruding slender fingers. These arms clutched Lianna by the throat. Then she felt the weight of Amba’s head on the back of hers.

The scent of caramel marshmallow wafted up her nostrils, and she drank it in, as they drank her. She’d discovered them on different worlds but in similar habitats, both inhospitable to humanoid life. Each of them, Stavros and Amba, were actual detachments of a larger cellular body, inhabiting caverns deep within their respective planet’s crusts. She’d come to believe such celluloid colonies inhabited a variety of worlds, either unrecognized or undiscovered by previous explorers. She’d just been the lucky one they chose to reveal themselves to.

A loud hiss issued from the quivering mass as Lianna tugged her hands free of the gelatinous goo, to clutch the loving arms around her neck. A voice, half mocking, echoed in Lianna’s thoughts: welcome, beloved.

Lianna nodded, already half asleep. Stavros was nestling her red cheeks between Lianna’s breasts, silent as always and yet gently affectionate. She would float here all night, vulnerable and yet comforted in their gelling caress. “Hey, gals,” Lianna sighed as she slipped into dreamland, “is there something wrong with me?”

Normally the first thing Lianna noticed coming backstage of the auditorium hall was the overpowering reek of sterilized lilac, the residue of the cleanser sprayed over the hall after each day’s events. Even from the corridor outside the backstage door the scent seemed off today.

Lianna strode onto a stage facing empty seating. Her presentation wasn’t scheduled to begin until 9 a.m. station time, which was synched with Terran Greenwich time. As she turned to the display board, she almost fell on her behind. This was no longer a scent. It had been upgraded to a full-blown stench of burnt polymers with a strong undercurrent of mercury.

The blackboard had been defaced with several impact strikes, probably from a common prybar, with icicles radiating out from each strike. Dead center, carved into the board’s surface with a hot plasma torch, perhaps, in bold caps stood out one word: WHORE.

Lianna stared at that, just stared, her thoughts clouded. She stumbled back a couple of steps, back, into the soft touch at the back of her thigh.

She whirled, too quickly. Her feet slipped. A sharp sudden shock rocked her as her head banged into the blackboard. Her mind swirled as her stomach spat acid up her windpipe. Then a little dark-haired girl blinked back at her.

“Oh. Hi, there,” Lianna said, once her stomach settled. The child had waited patiently. Gods, she was gorgeous, her skin a beautiful shade of brown. ”Where did you come from?”

As though forgetting herself, the little one pulled a child-sized slate from the pouch slung over her right shoulder. She shrugged off the pouch, and after a few rapid taps, passed the slate to Lianna.

‘My name is Gita. I’ve been sent to offer you greetings from Patala.’

Lianna wet her lips, working the name over on her tongue, Patala which lay on another dimension plane, parallel to Terra, home to beings…”Hey, are you lost, sweetheart?’

She offered to pass back the slate, but no need. Gita’s fingers danced in a series of signs. “It is your time? I don’t understand. I mean I can see you’re of age, but what…?”

Lianna’s mouth started to drop. Gita grinned, taking the slate back now and tapping furiously. The slate erupted in a fanfare of trumpets before Gita handed it back.

It read, ‘My beautiful daughter Lianna, daughter of my spirit, I have sent you my birth daughter Gita. This is the Time when all Devis must go forth to explore the mortal realm. I commend her to you and designate you Guardian.’

“She wants me…?” Lianna squeaked. That was all she got out before she noticed Gita rising. She stared as Gita’s half-sari flopped to her waist, effectively hiding where creamy brown skin seamlessly blended into scales.

It wasn’t a very thick trunk, as befit her youth, no thicker than Lianna’s calves. Still it held a gorgeous sheen, forest green splattered with mottled patches. She kept rising until she swayed a meter above Lianna. The stage lights cast an iridescent halo around her dark raven hair.

Lianna couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried; maybe it was the night when both her parents died. The tears flowed freely now. “Oh my gods, “she whispered. “You’re beautiful.”

Her arms opened, and Gita settled her head to Lianna’s cheek. Her coils folded into Lianna’s lap as she held onto Gita oh so gently. The child cooed, breathing warmly on Lianna’s neck in their shared embrace, neither aware of their being watched…

–Image of Uranus & its rings courtesy of NASA & the James Webb Space Telescope, 2023

Thoughts on The Ten-Cent Plague (2008) by David Hajdu

Let me tell you a story. I grew up reading comic books and oh, I could tell you stories, but only one is relevant to this blog. I’d just entered high school in the fall of 1979. My father, brother David and I had just moved into a house in University Place. While I’d always loved comics, I also bought into the thinking that they were immature, just for kids. I had a collection at this point of about 700 comics.

One day I let my brother Kenny into my room and said, have at it. He tore into them with glee, literally, ripping my collection to shreds. I’d kept a few hidden, just for sentimental reasons. At the time I thought that was what I was supposed to do, that I needed to grow up. For the next eight years I didn’t buy another comic book.

This book by David Hajdu made me mad. Not that it wasn’t enjoyable—it was—it was written almost in comic book style. It seemed appropriate to read this now, as we’re pulling the same shit all over again. In the early 50’s across the United States, states and municipalities were passing vsguely worded ordinances to ‘protect children’ and our morals. It wasn’t simply the politicians. Police, PTAs and the Catholic Church were rising up in scenes reminiscent of Nazi Germany.

Like Nazi Germany there were book burnings. Not just bannings, which is bad enough, but actual bonfires rising to the skies, under the old saw, ‘our morals are being corrupted!’ This began as early as 1948, only three years after the death of Hitler and his notorious band of hoodlums. The narrative demonstrates how easily masses of people can be manipulated by vague culture war polemics.

I saw some names I knew, like Bill Gaines, the head of EC Comics and the father of Mad Magazine. There were future sci-fi giants like Harry Harrison and Henry Kuttner, forced out of the comic business by the uproar capitalized on by Fredric Wertham and his book The Seduction of the Innocent. The introduction of the Comics Code Authority led to a bowdlerizing of comics that wasn’t overturned for 14 years.

The real irony of this was that none of these high-faluting critics of comic books had bothered to read what they were castigating, the same way none of these so-called Moms for Liberty bother to read LGBT themed or Black History books before throwing a hissy fit and pressuring librarians to ban them. 800 artists and writers never worked in comics again. The kids involved in these book burnings only realized this was wrong after the fact, and then they got mad.

“Though they were not traitors, the makers of crime, romance, and horror comics were propogandists of a sort, cultural insurgents. They expressed in their lurid panels, thereby helping to instill n their readers, a disregard for the niceties of proper society, a passion for wild ideas and fast action, a cynicism toward authority of all sorts, and a tolerance, if not an appetite, for images of prurience and violence. In short, the generation of comic-book creators whose work died with the Comics Code helped give birth to the popular culture of the postwar era.” [pg. 330, The Ten-Cent Plague]

Too bad for those cultural purists that you can’t kill ideas. You can suppress people, you can bury history but you can’t erase either people or true history. Even in the 1950’s, the seeds had already been sown, and Rock ‘n’ Roll was right around the corner.

Star Trek: The Next Generation–season 3

Ironically in the fall of 1989 I had gone to a Doctor Who Day at Book King in Federal Way, Washington. Back when I was single, Book King had these get togethers for fans every weekend, and I attended as often as I could. Everyone was seated in this little room in the back of the bookstore, except instead of Doctor Who, the group was sharing a couple of episodes from the new season of TNG. This time around the show came out of the gate running and didn’t stop for the next three seasons.

One of the episodes they screened was “The Survivors”, which showed the embrace of bold ideas to go along with the always excellent f/x. They kept the plot twist close to the sleeve, positing a mystery: how did this lone elderly couple survive a planetary bombardment that eradicated all other life? Counselor Troi meanwhile was slowly driven mad by the incessant music of a tiny music box she had never heard before. In fact, no one had survived, including the wife of the older man—in reality a godlike being who in a moment of grief wiped out the invaders throughout the universe. For one of the few times in Trek history, this was a deity with a conscience who relieved the suffering he’d inflicted on Troi. Picard could do nothing but let him go to recreate the woman he loved, and to just leave him alone. And that’s one of the first episodes. It keeps going.

Season Three of the Original Series suffered from subpar writing, some of the worst of any Trek series. Gene Roddenberry had been bumped to executive producer, while Fred Freiberger became the new line producer.  NBC had changed TOS’ time slot to 10 pm—on Fridays, a death slot for any series. Worst of all, the show had lost the sense of humor it was known for. By contrast, by its third season TNG had hit its stride. At least in my hometown, TNG was given a time slot of 7 pm on Saturday nights, and it never moved from that spot.

On September 25, 1989, the worm had turned. Rather than being The Original Series’ poor second cousin, in many ways The Next Generation surpassed it. Star Trek V had been a disappointment that summer. It was one of two movies I’d seen in one day in July of ’89. I’d had a very bad day; all I’ll say is that my brother and I had a falling out which ended with me stomping outside and smashing my windshield—with my bare fist. But enough of that for now.

The revolving door of scriptwriters that had plagued TNG’s first season, and the rewrites imposed by Gene Roddenberry were past. Briefly, Michael Piller was promoted to head of the writing staff, which brought a much-needed stability to the script process. Rick Berman became the chief of day-to-day operations. New costume designer Bob Blackman oversaw a redesign of outfits into real regimental uniforms a space service might issue, though not necessarily any more comfortable for the actors. Hence the birth of what fans refer to as ‘the Picard Maneuver’, where Patrick Stewart pulls his tunic down every time he has to stand up.

Blackman also rendered a one-piece version for the woman, which meant no more legs! A new title segment began this season showing an incoming montage from the Milky Way, instead of the departure angle used in the first two seasons. Best of all, Gates McFadden was back for good as Dr. Beverly Crusher.

This year we encountered aliens who really seemed …ALIEN. Tin Man. The Sheliak. A Douwd. What was also new was that the Enterprise-D encountered more people who were absolutely unreasonable; who were so locked into their own positions, they wouldn’t even consider the facts presented to them, even when said facts will endanger their lives. “The Ensigns of Command”, “The High Ground”, “The Wounded” and “Transfigurations” come to mind. The writing is sharper, the dialogue less formal and more natural; that was reflected in the return of Star Trek’s sense of humor. The crew often were not just put to the test, they were frequently put into life-threatening situations.  

Every season has had its timey-wimey excursions (“We’ll Always Have Paris” and “Time Squared”, for example) where Time is out of sync. “Yesterday’s Enterprise” is a real mindwarp, bleeding seamlessly into a dark version of our universe, where the Federation is on the verge of collapse from a war with the Klingons. And no one is aware of what’s happened, except for Guinan. Even she can’t explain why, she only knows THIS-IS-WRONG! This is the one and only time we see the Enterprise-C, and the consequences of its falling through a time warp in the midst of battle would be catastrophic. Because this is an alternate timeline, they were able to bring back Tasha Yar, at least one version of her, and give her an ending with some dignity. The ramifications of this version’s death would roil through our timeline for seasons to come. Believe me, there is death and destruction enough here to satisfy the most die-hard pew-pew fan.

I’m embarrassed to re-read my old diary entries from this time. I seemed very petty and childish then. In 1990 I made it to two conventions, Rustycon 007 in January, and my third Norwescon, no. 12 in April 1990. My friends said I was a virgin when I came to my first sci-fi convention. Four cons in I guess I still was, considering they pinned a condom on the back of my stage pass. I was serving as a volunteer this time, though to be honest I remember very little of that. Rustycon had some good highlights. My friends were all there: Michael Scanlon, Chris and J. Steven York, and Jack and Fran Beslanwitch. The difference between the Sheraton where Norwescon was held and the Radisson, where we had Rustycon was the ambient noise level. There wasn’t a continuous drone of voices at the Radisson, only people’s quiet whispers. For a socially awkward person like me, that’s grand.

Apparently I’d gone to the dance, according to my diary, though odds are I sat in the back. Socially I was like Reginald Barclay. Mark Skullard had put together a fun panel on old Science Fiction radio programs. The lines in those shows were so melodramatic, the plots so preposterous even in the first couple of minutes we couldn’t help laughing. Here’s a shoutout to George Smith, who somehow showed up at nearly every panel I went to.

I met Rebecca Neason at this con, God rest her, at the Victorian SF/ Steampunk panel. She was a very sweet, social lady who kept getting tagged for panels when no one else would show up to empanel them. She was working on her first TNG novel, Guise of the Mind, which would be published in 1993. She and Donna Barr hosted a panel on Mythical Creatures. Apparently only the three of us were attending. Donna Barr has a very black sense of humor; she had me and Rebecca in near hysterics.

Curiously I don’t remember any TNG parodies at this year’s convention. Boy, at LAST year’s con we had a doozy, “Star Trek: Another Regeneration”. This was a taped radio program put together by two British chaps and sent over to Canada’s “The Ether Show”. (I hadn’t mentioned this in my last blog because I hadn’t found my diaries from that time period before.}

I squat on the floor of Room 1906 along with everyone who wasn’t seated on the bed. This had to be the best part of Norwescon 11 for me; this was a hilarious parody of “Farpoint”. Example: Riker has gone to the holodeck to fetch Data. The computer warned him this would be inadvisable, Commander Data was in the Atlantic Ocean simulation. Riker responds, “I don’t care, just let me in!” So it does, and “WHOOOSH!” The saucer section has also accidentally been separated from the ship, so Riker jams the two pieces together. “Make it fit!” he says, sooo, “SHRIIIEEEK!” until Data nonchalantly reports, “Reconnection complete, sir.”

The most badass character for season 3 has to be Jean Luc Picard. Diplomacy becomes a weapon in “The Ensigns of Command”, where he uses the same treaty the Sheliak have been beating him over the head with against them. “You enjoyed that,” Riker says, to which Picard retorts, “Damn right.” “Who Watches the Watchers?” is the story where the Prime Directive is not simply bent, it’s twisted out of shape. It’s the one where Picard is mistaken for a god. He takes an arrow to the shoulder, willingly, to prove his mortality.

He’s also cunning when he wants to be. While investigating a possible Romulan base in the Neutral Zone on the word of a high-ranking defector, the Enterprise-D finds herself surrounded by three Romulan warbirds. With a word to Worf, the tables turn after three Klingon warbirds decloak on the warbirds’ flanks. “Shall we die together?” Picard challenges. When the Argosian Prime Minister Nayrok finally asks for help after rebuffing Picard for the entire episode, Picard cites the Prime Directive and just leaves (“The Hunted”).

Picard’s role as Patriarch of the Enterprise-D has never been more clearly defined than in “The Bonding”, which reminds us there are children on board, and their lives are just as fragile when a loved one dies. As he reminds Jeremy Aster, “no one on the Enterprise is alone”. To save Jeremy from an alien who wants to take him away to live on the planet, Picard calls together all the crew members who understand loss all too well. For Wesley Crusher this is a brutal reminder of his father’s death, and he admits for the first time that he was angry at Picard for surviving. I know that feeling; that was the moment that Wesley became a real person to me.

The Patriarchal role suits him when Data takes the ultimate step to becoming human, by creating his own child, Lal (“The Offspring”). In another first, this is the first episode in Trek history to be directed by a cast member, in this case Jonathan Frakes. When another asshole admiral wants to take Lal away to study, he responds, “There are times, sir, when men of good conscience cannot blindly follow orders. You acknowledge their sentience, but you ignore their personal liberties and freedom. Order a man to hand his child over to the state? Not while I am his captain.” Having had a child ripped from my family, I feel for them, and I love Picard for taking that stand.

By now his crew is so tight that with only a look, the bridge crew knows exactly what to do after aliens intrude on the bridge (“Allegiance”). Patrick Stewart’s hunger for more actions scenes bears fruit in both “Captain’s Holiday” and “The High Ground”, where he actually punches a terrorist on the bridge of the Enterprise. He becomes Worf’s cha’Dich, a ritual defender, when Kurn is attacked and injured in “Sins of the Father”. No, Picard is taking no shit this time around.

Worf may have been the cast member who experienced the most growth. Dare I say it, I think he became an actual character. I’ll explain. It was established in the first two seasons that he was a warrior, well versed in the ways of Klingons, a heritage he takes exceptional pride in. Beyond that, excepting two episodes, his role was not given the depth it deserved. In a sense he was a caricature much like Frank Burns in M.A.S.H. By its 5th season Frank had pretty much become a petty narrow-minded bigot, an overzealous ‘patriot’ with little to no depth.

So it was with Worf. He had been portrayed as a proud warrior, who frequently got his ass whupped by a stronger opponent. This season he became flesh and blood. Like Frank Burns, Worf is also burdened with prejudice–against Romulans, in this case. Given the chance to save a dying Romulan by giving a blood transfusion, Worf stubbornly refuses (“The Enemy”). To be fair, his prejudice is reciprocated by the Romulan as he dies. In “The Bonding”, out of guilt for an unavoidable tragedy, Worf attempts to bond with the orphaned Jeremy Aster. “Deja Q” proves he’s still king of the one-liners; when Q insists he’s human and shouts what do I have to do to convince you people, Worf replies, “Die.” In “Transfigurations” he plays the role of Lazarus raised from the dead by space Jesus.

With “Sins of the Father”, Worf’s story becomes epic. Treachery within the Klingon High Council brings a challenge Worf must answer to clear his father’s name. But the truth can’t come out; the traitor who betrayed the Klingons to the Romulans has friends on the High Council, which would lead to civil unrest. Only Worf’s discommendation temporarily prevents a Klingon civil war. We’re introduced not only to his brother Kurn but to the family of Duras, a name we’d come to despise in every Trek series to come.

The Ferengi make three appearances, primarily as irritants, moving closer to the comedic foils they’d master in DS9. No longer treated as a ‘major military threat’ to the Federation, they resort to deceit, and poison to narrow the field of bidders in “The Price”. If there’s any justice, a couple of those Ferengi are lost in the Delta Quadrant until their return in ST: Voyager. Michael Grodenchik debuts as Sovak, a pushy trader who deserves the punch in the face Picard delivers. (He would eventually play Quark’s dim brother Rom on DS9). “Menage A Troi” is a case of unrequited lust on the part of a demented Damon, although it finally gives Majel Barrett the opportunity to shine as the eternally flirty Lwaxana Troi. Ethan Philips makes his Trek debut there as Dr. Farek; we’d know him better in a later role, as Neelix on Voyager.

“Hollow Pursuits” introduces us to Reginald Barclay. Like him, I’m socially awkward, though I couldn’t articulate that in 1989. Reg is the guy who sits in the back of the room at parties, trying to blend in while seated next to a potted plant. That’s me. Maybe his escape into Holodiction is something else we have in common; don’t all us writers do that, though not in an actual physical expression? When the series originally came out on VHS, they were released as single episodes. The only tapes I collected were “The Royale” (season 2), “The Offspring” and “Hollow Pursuits”.

Reg was a challenge for Geordi to overcome his disdain and encourage Reg to put his mind to work in ‘the real world’. Troi also tries to guide him, up to the point that she meets the Goddess of Empathy. Then it’s “muzzle it!” The first time I saw this episode was at Jack & Fran’s house in Renton for a Writer’s Cramp meeting. We’re at the point where Picard himself accidentally calls Reg “Broccoli”. Data is saying, “Metathesis is the most common of pronunciation errors, sir, the reversal of vowels. ‘Boc’ to ‘Broc’—” At this point, Picard just glares, and as Data suddenly bends over a console, Fran said, “shut up, Data.” And that is usually the first response everybody gives when viewing that scene: “shut up, Data!”

Somehow I missed “Sarek” when it was originally broadcast. I didn’t find out about it until years later, after the series had ended. It was cool that they brought Mark Lenard back to the role, weaving another connection to the Original Series.

To close the season, they began a new tradition with the cliffhanger to end all cliffhangers, and honestly, I don’t think TNG ever came up with a better one. This led one fan to scream at Piller from his car, “You ruined my summer!” “The Best of Both Worlds” begins with a disturbing graphic. Riker’s away team beams down to a colony in distress, supposedly in the middle of downtown, where all that greets us is a crater.

Twin plotlines parallel each other. The Borg are coming, and we are nowhere near prepared for them. Meanwhile Commander Riker questions his priorities as he turns down yet another command, and Picard has to call him on the carpet for it. The issue would be ludicrous in any real-world military service; Piller’s script addresses that here. Riker is a man grown comfortable, loyal, and apparently will settle for nothing less than the Enterprise. Although this was not how he wanted it. He also faces a foil in Commander Shelby, a cocky young woman whose ambition is only exceeded by her impetuousness. And she pointedly tells Riker, “You’re in my way.”

This is only the second time we’ve encountered the Borg, who remain a great unknown, hostile in purpose even while they’re devoid of intent. It is not spoilers now to declare this as the most distressing cliffhanger in Trek history, perhaps one of the greatest in television history. Picard steps forward on board the Borg cube as Locutus, his voice lifeless as he states, “Your life as it has been is over. From this time forward, you will service…us.”  The camera pans around to Riker, who says, “Mr. Worf…fire.”

And then— ‘To Be Continued’??? ARRRRRGHHHH! In June 1990 we were all going, “What—WHAT?” That would be the longest summer for all Trek fans everywhere. In this one season this crew had become beloved, a part of the family, and we didn’t know if they were going to be blown apart or not. Will Picard survive—COULD he? This would be the nail-biter dogging us for the longest summer ever.

Review: All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson

I’m a little disappointed here. I was led to believe there was some pornography involved, and I’ll be damned if I can find ANY pornographic material AT ALL!!!

Truth be told, I had two reasons to read Mr. Johnson’s excellent book. One, he’s a fellow author and I’m going to support him. Two, I was told by some jackass in Florida, the guv or some flake, that I wasn’t allowed to. So I said, pfff, that so? Try an’ stop me, Desantutts.

I think the reason All Boys Aren’t Blue is on conservatives’ hit list is that it’s truthful. That’s probably the same reason Huckleberry Finn, The Grapes of Wrath, The Diary of Anne Frank and so many more have been banned and are being banned this very second. A good book is truthful and shines an unpleasant light on the reality of our society. Though to be honest, All Boys Aren’t Blue is not unpleasant reading at all. Far from it.

This is a memoir for young adults; it’s probably too mature for preschoolers, but that’s not the point here. It’s about a young black man growing up, finding his queerness but frequently having to suppress himself. The author is not alone. The prevalent theme in his story is family. Back in the 1970’s my brothers used to say if someone messed with someone in our family, we could get about a hundred people together to settle this. We had a lot of more of us then; I don’t know if that’s true now.

George Johnson has always had the support of his family; brothers, cousins, parents. And especially his Nanny, his grandma, that older person every family relies on; the one who takes you to flea markets, teaches you stuff, encourages you in everything you do, and is always proud of you, no matter what. That’s what family is for, to tease you, rough-house, to fight with and to fight for you

There are a couple of cuss words, not to excess. I can get more profanity from a Star Trek movie. A couple of chapters made me uncomfortable, maybe because these were private things you don’t ordinarily share with the world. You’ll find out, if you have the courage to read it. My discomfort is not the point. What matters is representation, and I believe George Johnson has done a hellava job.

Added to the list

I’d written this a long time ago, obviously judging by the subject matter. I would’ve hoped we’d moved beyond genocide by now; clearly that’s not the case. I’d actually posted a video on YouTube back in 2012, and somehow, ten years later, some moderator decided to delete that video for ‘violent content’. I appealed that decision; however five minutes later they got back to me upholding their decision.

I’m very pissed off by this. None of the images chosen involved beatings, lynchings, rape or any else that might provoke violence. The images of people starving were meant to provoke a response; disgust, disbelief, awareness of what kind of crap is going on in this world. This piece is not meant to advocate violence; it’s a protest against state-sponsored violence.

Well, at the risk of being crude, fuck it. I’m putting it here. Render your own judgement.

darfur, Darfur

loll upon the tongue

join the dreaded list

ethiopia, bangladesh, somalia et al

the poor are always with us

the poor always die continuous

genocide, patricide

racial cleansing aside

how can it be

that there are so many ways to rephrase s singular sin

say it as it is

mass murderers

the armenians in 1915, a million and a half gone

the holocaust of the 1940s, six million to the ovens

the khmer rouge, two million done

the five hundred nations of the native American

why are we so silent in our regard

while the darfurians, one half million so far

are added to the list?

Retrospective: Star Trek: The Next Generation, season 2

I’ve gotta admit, I didn’t catch every episode of season 2 during its original broadcast. I’d pretty much kept up with every episode of the first season at least once, such was my loyalty to Star Trek. My viewing history for the sophomore season was much more spotty. I’d watch two or three stories in a row, skip one or two. For instance, the first story I sat down for was “Where Silence Has Lease”, a significantly darker, unnerving outing than virtually anything in the previous season. I missed both the season opener, “The Child”, and its closer, “Shades of Grey”. The last story I saw would be “Peak Performance”, the penultimate episode.

I can’t explain; it’s been 35 years.  Perhaps I’d lost some interest after the disappointment of season 1. My Saturdays in 1988-89 were tied up in get-togethers with my writing friends, who were giving me much needed instruction. More to the point, I was beginning to put in the research necessary to make my scribblings worthwhile; to be honest, at this point, it stank. I had less time to binge TV. At age 24 I hadn’t really lived at this point. Hell, I’d never fallen in love, yet.

Changes were afoot at TNG. Because of an ongoing Writer’s Strike in 1988, the season was delayed; the first episode wouldn’t be syndicated until November 21st of that year. I had no idea what tensions were going on behind the scenes. The cast had settled comfortably into their roles; the writing had improved considerably. We were still saddled with stories that were not up to snuff (“The Royale”, “Up the Long Ladder”); some that just left us scratching our heads (“Where Silence Has Lease”, “Time Squared”); and at least one that was pulled out of their fannies (“Shades of Grey”). Also, the music scores still tended toward the bombastic.

Looking back a little older, a little more jaded, I can declare that at this point TNG was still guided by a 1960’s naivete of Gene Roddenberry. To wit, humanity had matured into an enlightened species. By definition the governing body of the franchise, The Federation, would also be guided by enlightened principles. Of course, even in The Original Series (TOS) there were hints that Paradise had its worms. They had their share of crazy starship captains and a bureaucracy unwilling to face up to unsavory situations that needed to be addressed.

Elements we’ve come to be familiar with in later years made their first appearances, often in the opening scenes of an episode. Worf’s calisthenics program debuted this year (“Where Silence Has Lease”) as does the officers’ nightly poker game (“The Measure of a Man”). And the Ferengi, that most deadly threat to the Federation in season 1, had been relegated to one appearance this season, and then only in the last 15 minutes of “Peak Performance”, the second to last episode of the season.

As an established series, TNG began to attract a lot of celebrity guest stars, and a few future stars. Joe Piscapo appeared as the Comic in “The Outrageous Okona”; Entertainment Tonight cohost John Tesh was disguised as one of the Klingons inflicting pain sticks on Worf in “The Icarus Factor”, while drummer Mick Fleetwood was even more recognizable as a fish-faced alien in “Manhunt”. One of Teri Hatcher’s early roles was as a transporter chief in “The Outrageous Okona”

There was also The BEARD. Despite what Q would say a year from now, I thought it suited Riker. It made him more distinguished yet somehow still likeable. I was comfortable with it from the start. It can’t help enhancing his irrepressible grin. After a full season of rotating engineers, Picard promoted inhouse from the available personnel, making Geordi LaForge the Chief Engineer for the rest of the series.

Ten Forward appeared in the opener, but that wasn’t the most interesting development. That fell to the casting of the bartender Guinan, a long time Trek fan known as Whoopi Goldberg. This wasn’t a role she needed to take. By 1988 Whoopi already had seven films under her belt, including her breakout role in The Color Purple (1985), which earned her anOscar nomination for Best Actress. This was something she wanted, that she was inspired to by original Trek actress Nichelle Nichols. Though her cameos were small, she acted as that impish elf dispensing wise sayings that the crew needed at any given time.

Unfortunately the worst change was in the medical field. It seems certain people on the production staff didn’t like how Gates McFadden’s character, Dr. Crusher, was being developed. Worse, they managed to convince Gene Roddenberry of that. All I knew was that Dr. Crusher was gone, and you don’t realize how much you appreciate someone until they’re gone. Crusher was traded in for Dr. Kate Pulaski, a Dr. McCoy retread who couldn’t—or wouldn’t—get Data’s name right. In fact, she seemed to have a problem appreciating that Data was a valuable crewman and an individual who required no justification. The fact that she was played by TOS veteran Diana Muldaur (“Return to Tomorrow”, “Is There in Truth No Beauty?”) didn’t help anyone warm up to her.

Curiously, the one thing Muldaur and Whoopi shared in common was that they were not listed in the main cast, not even as guest stars, but solely designated with a ‘Special Guest Appearance’ after the opening teaser.

THE CAST

This season’s scripts were very Data-centric, with five focused exclusively on our favorite android (“Elementary, Dear Data”, “The Outrageous Okona”, “The Schizoid Man”, “The Measure of a Man” and “Pen Pals”). He grew in his study of humanity and endured the slights of Dr. Pulaski with dignity. He retained his childlike nature while mentoring under Picard. Often he has the central role to play in the resolution of a conflict. Data (Brent Spiner) attended the birth of Troi’s son Ian (“The Child”), explored the nature of humor (“Okona”), assisted Picard in deciphering the Iconian language (“Contagion”); gambled the away team out of the casino and out of a badly written novel (“The Royale”); and experienced doubt in his abilities for the first time (“Peak Performance”).

If any crewman comes close to the number of episodes in focus, it’s William T. Riker (Jonathan Frakes). Beard aside, here is a man who welcomes a challenge, whether it’s volunteering for an officer exchange program with the Klingons (“A Matter of Honor”) or bringing a broken-down wreck up to spec to challenge the Enterprise-D in a war game (“Peak Performance”). He faced every obstacle with zeal, ingenuity, and a great big grin. Not all challenges are so easy. Regulations compelled him to participate in a hearing that might cost Data his life (“The Measure of a Man”). For the second time Riker is offered his own command, and the man offering it is his estranged father, which in typical male fashion must be settled in a martial arts contest (“The Icarus Factor”). We also discover he’s a cook, albeit not very good one (though you could never tell Worf that). Could explain how he wolfs down gakk.

Patrick Stewart as Picard had pretty much become the captain we’d come to know and love for the rest of the series. He could be steady, firm, and hews closer to his principles, particularly the Prime Directive than James T. Kirk. We’re starting to get a little more background. For instance, in “Contagion” Picard indulges in his interest in stellar archaeology; while on a shuttle flight he divulges the incident from his misspent youth that forced him to have an artificial heart (“Samaritan Snare”).He even demonstrates a sardonic sense of humor (“The Outrageous Okona”).

Wesley Crusher (Wil Wheaton) grew into adolescence without the support of his mother, under the collective mentoring of the TNG crew. He wasn’t quite the annoying know-it-all we came to despise the previous year. He deals with this separation, with the help of Guinan (“The Child”). He also suffers his first crush in “The Dauphin”, where we the viewer are treated to the first montage of a crew member seeking the advice of every member of the bridge crew, with often humorous results. After endangering the ship so much in season 1, in “Pen Pals” Wesley is given the responsibility of actually saving a planet.

His father-son relationship with Picard deepens as the captain loosens up on an extended shuttle ride, relating an episode of his reckless youth that led to his impalement on a Nausican knife, necessitating an artificial heart that needs replacing (“Samaritan Snare”). For the first time the senseless of death smacks Wes right to his face with the destruction of the starship Yamamoto (“Contagion”) and the deathly aged crew of the Lantree (“Unnatural Selection”).

Worf’s (Michael Dorn) appearance evolved into a fuller mane and the addition of his baldric sash. He’s still inflexible and unbending in his application of Klingon tradition. He’s now permanent security chief, and still king of the one-liners (to wit– “Comfortable chair”, from “The Emissary”). Or how about this exchange with Wesley in “The Dauphin” about Klingon mating rituals: “Men do not roar. Women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects. And claw at you.”

“What does the man do?” Wesley asks.

Worf replies: “He reads love poetry. (beat) He ducks a lot.”

This season we also get to further explore Klingon culture, as in the aforementioned “A Matter of Honor”. Worf tutors Commander Riker, who takes his lessons to heart, first by asserting his authority over a junior Klingon officer (by kicking his ass) and then assuming command of the ship to save the Enterprise. Riker’s plotline in “The Icarus Factor” was almost undermined by the subplot where Worf is out of sorts, almost out of joint, because it’s the anniversary of his rite of ascension. Fortunately Wesley finds out and the crew prepares a proper simulation on the holodeck…complete with pain sticks.

Two problems crop up for Worf in “The Emissary”. First, there is the main issue of a Klingon sleeper ship on an intercept course for several Federation colonies. A more personal problem is the emissary herself, K’Ehleyr, an old love of Worf’s who’s not ready to commit to marriage, especially once Worf jumps ahead and announces they’re one anyway. In later episodes, they will both have to deal with the consequences of their mating.

Finally, Troi got out of that frumpy jumpsuit she was confined in for the previous voyage. Her new jumpsuit was more flattering and form-fitting, one she’d wear for the next five seasons. Also out was the bun and in with a freer floating ‘do. The season’s opening story, “The Child”, was given to Troi, who runs with the material. This story, a script recycled from the abandoned Phase II series from the late 70’s, was adopted when the writers strike clawed into TNG’s production time. While Worf’s first thought is to terminate the child and Riker demands to know who was the father, Troi feels the first stirrings of life in her belly and announces, “I’m keeping this child.” And the lioness has spoken.

THE EPISODES

Again, I won’t be going over every episode…well, any more than I already have. This is a personal rather than a critical remembrance. These will just be highlights.

The first episode I screened for season 2 was in fact the second episode, “Where Silence Has Lease”, and …ohh-kaaay. That was disturbing.  It could have passed as an original series Outer Limits story. The ship faces an amorphous alien antagonist running bizarre, unethical experiments without the slightest concern for his lab subjects—us. The next couple of weeks slipped in the opposite direction. First, in “Elementary, Dear Data”, Dr. Pulaski challenges Data to solve a real mystery in the Sherlock Holmes style. Geordi’s poor choice of words gives him a worthy opponent all right, a holographic version of Professor Moriarty, with all the 23rd century knowledge of the Enterprise. “The Outrageous Okona” was a bit of a comedy of errors; part Han Solo, part Capulets vs. Montagues.

“Unnatural Selection” tread similar ground to the original series episode “The Deadly Years”, though the repercussions for the ‘children’ of the Darwin lab will be more consequential and uncertain. “Loud As a Whisper” dealt sensitively with disability, even having insight enough to cast a deaf man, Howie Seago, in the guest starring role of  ambassador Riva. “Time Squared” has no monsters, no alien antagonists: in the words of David Tennant’s Doctor, it’s pretty much wibbly wobbly timey-wimey.

“Contagion” was probably the most honest Trek story as far as our dependence on computers goes; and how screwed we’ll be if they fall apart. One hidden gem, for myself, was that the co-author (with Beth Woods) was none other than Steve Gerber. That name probably means nothing to many of you younglings, but I knew him from my comic books, the creator of Man-Thing and Howard the Duck. One a horror series, the other a satire of the 70’s. Here he’s at his most inventive, introducing the Iconians, ‘demons of air and light’. It’s both a race to beat the Romulans, and personal for Picard after the Yamamoto explodes in front of his eyes, taking another old friend. It’s also an excuse for him to take a more active role in the story, to exercise captain’s prerogative and lead the away mission himself, as only he has the archaeological knowledge to pursue this mission.  

Now, “The Royale”. My family has loved this episode since we first watched it on a standalone VHS. My wife waits through the entire first season just for this repeat. Putting that aside…it’s best not to question it too much, just enjoy the funny bits. The crew beam aboard a fragment of a 21st century Earth craft. Beaming down to the planet, Riker, Data and Worf find themselves in a recreation of a second-rate novel, as well as a dead astronaut. Picard decides that the answers to the puzzle lie in the novel itself, which he sits down to read. It begins: “It was a dark and stormy night. (Sigh) Not a promising beginning.”

Troi volunteers, “It may get better.” (It doesn’t.)

In fairness to my beloved, this episode’s effects don’t hold up well. It’s no secret that the away team is standing on a dark soundstage with a blurry F/X ‘cloud’ fuzzing above them. This story was also dated only a couple years later when the unsolvable mathematical equation by Fermat mentioned in this story, was in fact deciphered by Princeton professor Andrew Wiles in 1993.

In “Pen Pals” , Data befriends a young alien girl on a planet on the verge of destruction. In so doing he not only becomes a ‘pen pal’ but a surrogate brother. Data also demonstrates a depth and caring I don’t think he recognized in himself. “Manhunt” is basically Lwaxana Troi on steroids. “Up the Long Ladder” couldn’t decide what story it wanted to be. Somehow the writers tried to wedge two stories into one script. We have a humorous story with space Irish on one colony, and on another colony is a sterile, scientifically advanced society. By sterile I mean ‘sterile’; every one in the second colony is (surprise!) a clone. What we have is a mess, touching on issues like resettlement, privacy, ethics. So Picard’s brilliant solution: let’s mash ‘em both together and hope it all works out.

“Shades of Grey”, the season’s closer, was Classic Trek’s first and only clip show. If it’s not the worst, at least it is the laziest written script in TNG’s history. We’re now left with two.

“The Measure of a Man” is our first certifiable classic of the TNG era. Data is confronted by the fact that as an android, in the eyes of Starfleet he has no rights. He doesn’t even have the right to resign his commission to prevent his dismantling so that cyberneticist Bruce Maddox can study him. Picard is having none of that and demands a hearing from Captain Phillipa Louvois, the same person who conducted his court-martial nine years before for losing the Stargazer.

Picard was almost beaten by his first officer’s presentation. Riker is morally beaten because he did his job too well, a job forced on him by regulations. It’s only through Guinan’s sly insights that Picard sees the real danger, which apparently came to pass in season 1 of ST: Picard. On the stand, Maddox’s lofty ideas are exposed as fantasy, implying the creation of a race of androids without agency, a prelude to slavery. Then Picard renders a classic speech in his closing argument. In part:

“Your honor, Starfleet was founded to seek out new life. Well, there it sits, waiting. You wanted a chance to make law. Well, here it is. Make it a good one.” At the beginning of her ruling Louvois refers to Data as ‘it’. Halfway through it she’s calling Data ‘he’. Though its early on in the series, Data had already demonstrated he was more than the sum of his parts. He also has the grace to invite a despondent Riker to the victory celebration.

Finally…until the story we’re about to cover, TNG did not have an enemy. As a force to be reckoned with, the Ferengi were a miserable failure. The Klingons and Romulans were formidable opponents, but the former were our allies in the 24th century. As for the latter, well, they’re just as deceitful and haughty as ever, but they’re still old school—or should I say ‘old series’. In “Q Who”, that rascally omnipotent entity Q committed the most evil act in all his appearances. He introduces us to the Borg.

The Borg were everything Gene Roddenberry would NOT identify as human. They are not evil; that would imply intention to inflict harm. They’re as incapable of feeling as a virus. Cybernetic monsters were not new to science fiction series. Prior to this, Doctor Who got 20 years of mileage out of the Cybermen, not to mention the Cylons from the original Battlestar Galactica. This was different. This was a dark page in the bright future Gene had painted for the previous 20 years.

Q (John De Lancie) had returned to the Enterprise-D, having been expelled from the Continuum, doubtless for his failure to intimidate humanity. After Picard insists humanity was ready for ANY challenge it might face ‘out there’, Q had a fit. With a snap of his fingers Q tosses the Enterprise thousands of light years into the heart of the Delta Quadrant. The first hints of Guinan’s past are given; she knows of the Borg, because they destroyed her people a hundred years ago. Very soon all of Picard’s ingenuity and diplomacy were rendered useless.

All the while Q pops in and out of the action, defining the Borg bit by bit, taking a sadistic delight in Picard’s growing discomfort. “You can’t outrun them, you can’t destroy them. If you damage them, the essence of what they are remains…They regenerate and keep coming…Eventually you will weaken…Your reserves will be gone…They are relentless.”

It is to his credit this one time that Picard asks this small minded omnipotent bastard to save his ship. This Q does. No apologies, no regrets for the lives lost, or for the fact that this one act has overturned the natural order by introducing a Force (there’s no other word for them) we were absolutely not prepared to face.

I have gone on without saying a lot about this episode, I know. I don’t need to explain the details for hardcore Trekkers. For those of you new to Star Trek, well, hopefully I haven’t dropped too many spoilers.

This would be the last season of any Star Trek series where Gene Roddenberry would be in the producer’s chair. Change has always been an essential part of Trek, but a lot of us didn’t feel TNG was essential viewing at the time. What we saw in the coming season was more than change, it was like a soft reboot. That will be another blog.

The Lonely Hearts Bar

I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote this. Maybe it’s like those spontaneous pieces John Lennon wrote in the 60s that never made any sense. This is a relic from 1992. Enjoy.

Welcome to the Lonely Hearts Bar

Welcome to the house of loons

It ain’t a place you find in the streets

You gotta crawl in-side your twisted mind

Dino just flew in from the tropics

With a frizzy beard and Spidey                                           

[That’s his eight-legged buddy]

Dino says he’s runnin’ for office

An’ Spidey is his runnin’ mate

Dino swings from the chandelier

While Spidey presses the campaign

There he is, hangin’ over the door

Snaggin’ voters in his loopy web

Step on in to the Lonely Hearts Bar

It’s no place like Santos or Martinez

These are the goons you’ll find

Runnin’ in-side your twisted mind

There’s Jumpin’ Jack Slim shooting pool

Thinks he’s a lumberjack in drag

Yes he’s got a heart that’s true

But he’s been D.D.T.’ed too long

Don’t forget the lady in furs

Wears a ragged sable on her neck

Sittin’ on a barstool on the rocks

Drinkin’ rum an’ coke on ice

She comes in day an’ night

To her little circle of friends

Buenos Dias to Alfredo and the maid

An’ the little poodle from her barrio

Welcome to the Lonely Hearts Bar

Come wallow in a Bud with us

We got nothin’ new to show

‘Cept our twisted little minds.

334 Farralone Avenue

I’ve been carrying this around since the late 80s. This was dedicated to the home I grew up in, at least the first home I had a great fondness for. With the excess time off I’ve had due to medical issues I came back to it, with a couple additions. I don’t know if they help or if its crap. I’m just going to throw it out there and let you decide.

Hello old friend, has it been so long

Since I went far away

Those days are still strong

I left very young, yes it’s been a few years

But for the days long past

I can’t shed any tears

Hey old friend, did the grass stain our pants?

It never spawned any weeds

Or a ‘puppy-doo’ dance

[Neighbors’ ladder sliding along side-boards

While my brothers laughed from the second floor window

And the neighbor raised a fist

GI Joes were not for adulation

But burying in the nearest storm drain]

We’d curl up at dawn on that vent in the floor

The grill marked me up

While the others got warm

[Shattered glass backed into unseen

‘cause I didn’t want to wear a shirt

Comic books in sickbed, Man of Steel with a golden key

Curled up on the couch

All four eyes glued to Spider-Man]

We always ran up the stairs, almost beat them to death

Mom never got her sleep

And she’d scream us all deaf

[Weekends on the radio, Casey Kasem counting down

Or EG Marshall with another mystery theater

In the dark we’d listen, my brothers and me

Did they enjoy those shows

Or tolerate them for my sake?]

[Drove past you one fully grown afternoon

To a stranger, remodeled, painted a dingy brown

Defiled]

So long old friend, I don’t think it’s the end

You were too good to me

I hope I come home again.

John Lennon on Not Only…But Also (1964-66)

British comedy takes some getting used to. It’s more outrageous, wacky, and not as straight jacketed by puritanical impulses as American media, then or now. The secret lies in the fact that in the 1960’s, the people making these programs didn’t take themselves too seriously. Try getting Franklin Graham to guffaw along with Benny Hill, Monty Python or Red Dwarf. Hah. Good Luck.

First edition of In His Own Write (1964), and Signet reissue following John’s assassination, late December 1980 or early 1981.

John Lennon’s first book, In His Own Write, was published in March 1964, during the filming of the Beatles’ first movie, A Hard Day’s Night, which also began in March; both shortly before I was born, I might add. 1964 would be the group’s busiest year, and John was still very much invested in their success. And it was grueling, with their world tours to America, Australasia, and Europe, three albums to records along with various singles, television appearances and radio shows, endless interviews in every stop on the road, with only two roadies to assist. Not to mention their legendary first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show in February and two Christmas Shows bookending the year.

By a strange coincidence a young performer named Dudley Moore was looking to begin his own solo project, but unsure of going it alone, he enlisted a fellow colleague, Peter Cook, his partner in the stage comedy revue Beyond the Fringe (1960+). And thus began the comedy sketch program Not Only…But Also. For three series transmitted in 1965, 1966 and 1970 we were treated to their warped sketches and musical performances, which was very common in shows of that period.

John was acquainted with both Dudley Moore and Peter Cook, as well as Norman Rossington, who appeared alongside him in A Hard Day’s Night. On November 4th Norman and series producer Joe McGrath visited John backstage at the Ritz Cinema in Luton and invited him to participate in the first edition of the new series. John agreed. The first part involved the filming of an outdoor surrealistic sequence on November 20th, to accompany the reading of his poem “Deaf Ted, Danoota, (and me). Shot at Wimbledon Common in Southwest London, this involved John, Dudley and Norman bicycling (over a fence at one point), swinging, dancing with balloons and strolling over the grounds.

Part two was taped the evening of November 29 before an audience at the BBC’s Television Centre in West London. Among the items read to the camera, from In His Own Write, was “About the Awful”, read by John himself. This was his own mangled autobiography, from the book’s back cover.  

John’s prose is not for the linear-minded. His work tends towards the surreal, more like a stream of consciousness with a dash of the comedy troupe, the Goons, thrown in. It’s best experienced as it is here, as spoken performance, or as with his poem “Good Dog Nigel”, with Norman Rossington and a wriggling basset hound in John’s arms. “Unhappy Fred” is a two-hander shuffling back and forth between Dudley and Norman while John, Norman and Dudley do a back and forth to “All About Speeching”. John deadpans his way through “The Wrestling Dog” while Norman barks and ducks in and out. While Dudley mangles and shrieks through the closing number, the other players prance in front of his piano, ending with John flitting manically across the stage.

This first edition was broadcast on BBC2 on January 6, 1965. John enjoyed the experience so much he returned for the Christmas Special, broadcast on Boxing Day, December 26, 1966. John recorded his part on November 27, appearing briefly as Dan, a doorman in a 15-minute segment, a “Swinging London” parody masquerading as The Pipesucker Report, from Idaho. Cook plays an investigative reporter and towards the end of the sketch he approaches an exclusive club, the Ad Lav only to be stopped by Dan (John). He is only allowed access once he convinces Dan he is the Duke and Duchess of Windsor—and also offers John a small bribe. (The Ad Lav is a spoof of the Ad Lib Club, which was much visited by the Beatles.)

While these had little to do with music, they stand as John’s first public appearances outside of the Beatles.  Dudley Moore and Peter Cook would enjoy many years, together and solo, as actors and comediennes, notably in the original version of Bedazzled (1967). Moore might best be remembered for his role as the titular alcoholic in Arthur (1981). Sadly all three of these greats are no longer with us, but their works will live on.

Available On: Much of this series is lost, due to the shortsightedness of the BBC. From 1970 to 1974 it became official policy mandating that recordings of programs deemed of less historical or commercial importance be wiped, a cost saving measure so that the master tapes could be reused. Priority was given to preexisting national or local news items; comedy was not considered of cultural value among the BBC higher ups. Peter Cook offered to buy the existing prints for Not Only…But Also from the BBC, but was turned down flat.

What we have, as with the slaughter of 1960’s Doctor Who, The Avengers and other programs, is items recovered from foreign networks and the remaining 16 mm film inserts. These bits were collected into six 100-hour episodes called The Best of What’s Left of Not Only…But Also. These episodes were subsequently released onto a VHS of the same name. In 2003, a 90 minute Region 2 DVD compilation was released as The Best of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. In America this would see a DVD release as The Best of…What’s Left of…Not Only…But Also by BBC Worldwide in September 2008, featuring all six compilation episodes, with certain edits due to rights issues.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/notonlybutalso/index.shtml