Other Useless Items You Won’t Find in the Bible

https://respectfulinsolence.com/2018/04/05/brittney-kara-if-vaccines-great-why-not-mentioned-bible/

So, you don’t want to take your kids to have their vaccinations ’cause it isn’t in the Bible. That’s all right, there’s a lot of other useless items that are also NOT in the ‘Good Book.’ This should in no way be considered a comprehensive list; nonetheless here a few lacks I’d love to point out:

-Literacy, so you’ll actually know what’s in the f—kin’ book

-A uniform spelling system where we all agree on verb forms, spelling and grammar

-GUNS; that should please the NRA & all you supporters of the Second Amendment

-aspirin for when your kids get on your last nerve

-insulin

-antibioticsbible is a jewish book-comment

-flushable toilet

-toilet paper

-fresh running water

-refrigeration to preserve fresh food for days to come

-the most basic understanding of sanitation

–the most basic understanding of medicine

-Tolerance of your neighbors’ religion–oh wait, we don’t have that now, either. OK then, never mind…

-yoyos [I mean the toys, not our politicians]

-the most basic respect for your women-folk

-fire hoses, fire sprinklers or fire protection of any kind

-Van Halen

-Miles Davis

-Electricity

-The Law of Gravity

-Newton’s Laws of Motion

-Einstein’s General & Special Theories of Relativity

-zippers

-printed circuits

-cell phones that allow you to nag your absent-minded children at school or from any part of the country whatsoever

snapshot 1 (8-25-2013 7-45 pm) jesus

Christopher f—kin’ Columbus

-George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson or any one of the Founding Fathers

-The Bill of Rights

-Magna Carta

-compasses to keep your sorry ass from being lost in the wilderness for 40 years like some people we know

-The Collected Works of William Shakespeare

-hand soap

-dish soap

-chocolate & candy

-baby formula

-latex stretch pants

-Bras, which depending on the person, may or may not be a blessing

-pizza

-subway sandwiches

-Peace

I’m beginning to think this book may not have all the answers to life’s questions after all….

snapshot 1 (9-17-2013 12-34 am) jefferson

lennon trump gif

News Flash [fiction]

My beautiful picture

NEWS FLASH

DATELINE: ARCTIC CIRCLE (AP) A battalion of Marines has been deployed by Democratic President Nero to the North pole in search of “left-wing communist sympathizers”. This action was undertaken on the basis of an informative tip provided by the American Conglomeration of Popular Merchandising.

Under the direction of self-styled patriot General Dick Eastmoreland, the 96-1/2 Marine Battalion quickly captured a small toyshop operated by a Mr. Kris Kringle. A horde of plastic rifles, pistols and other weapons were confiscated. Sources claim that each item was tagged a legend, like “Merry Xmas Tommy.”

“The kids ask for them, I just deliver them,” explained Mr. Kringle. “All the boys seem to be into Rambo and toy Uzis nowadays.”

Countered General Eastmoreland, “This is obviously an enemy weapons depo. There are even naked dolls up here. Apparently Mr. Kringle is operating a child prostitution ring on the side. Just listen to that spine-tingling ‘ho-ho-ho!’”

“Ohh, the dolls are for the girls,” Kringle says, “Except for a few orders from San Francisco. HO HO HOI Y’know, I have to admit thig job is getting a mite dangerous. Last year a bunch of MiGs tried to shoot me down over Russia. Now it’s the dagnabbed Marines!”

A brief dispute ensued when Eastmoreland informed the elderly toymaker that he was being evicted. Mr. Kringle claimed squatter rights, then reportedly made some remarks involving ‘coal in their stockings.’

The toymaker was put in tough with Admiral Billy Chickenhawk, second-in-command of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Mr. Kringle is reported by reliable eyewitnesses ae saying, “I understand your position, my dear fellow. Now GET OUT!”

The Marines were hastily withdrawn with Mr. Kringle’s promise of leniency and “no coal this time around.”

In an unrelated development, a team of Greenpeace scientists in winter gear were discovered roaming the beach at Pago Pago. Among their belongings were several crates marked ‘Reindeer Feed’.

Details at eleven.